


I never wanted this hurt

by Ellezaria



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: But towards the end, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, One Shot, Self-Harm, described in detail, do not copy anywhere else, i am working through something, let me have this okay, no therapy we self project like men, not cutting but pinching, self-harming aziraphale
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-03 05:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21173879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellezaria/pseuds/Ellezaria
Summary: Aziraphale is hurting, and he wants-- no, heneedsthe pain to go away





	I never wanted this hurt

**Author's Note:**

> Aziraphale might seem ooc in this, buuuut i am self projecting _heavily_, so excuse me from this.

Aziraphale pinched his arm with the nails of his forefinger and thumb, and it _stung._

_ I deserve this. _Tears started flowing harder down his cheek. 

_ I deserve this, I just had to run away with him, that’s all I needed to do- but instead I had to go be discorporated and I- I left him alone. _

_ What if you hadn't figured out the prophecy, then Crowley would have been taken, and then he would have died and I would have been responsible... _

_ I fucked up, I deserve it– _ He pinched harder and a pained hitch escaped his lips and he folded in on himself, sobbing; but not letting go of the pinch. 

Aziraphale’s body wracked with his sobs, unable to quieten that voice in his head. 

His skin got numb from the pinch so grabbed a different patch of his arm and willed the pain to be louder than his thoughts. 

Aziraphale didn’t know how much time had when he heard the chime of the bookshop door. He sensed Crowley’s presence enter the shop, few moments later heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. 

Aziraphale hastily wiped his tears, bit his lip to stop them from quivering, tried to stop his trembling body, pulled his sleeve down to hide the swollen welts on his forearm just in time for Crowley to open the door and enter the room. 

As soon as his gaze fell on him, his smile dropped. His face grew concerned as he became aware of the state Aziraphale was in. He muttered “Oh angel” as he rushed to him and enveloped him in his arms. 

Aziraphale collapsed in Crowley’s arms, openly weeping. He clutched the front of Crowley’s shirt, no longer trying to hide his crying. 

Crowley’s hands went around him holding him close as he broke down. He kept pressing kisses into his hair, his temple, his forehead. He rubbed his back trying to comfort him. 

The intensely familiar scent of his demon, his steady heartbeat and the soft embrace gradually calmed down the angel. 

“What happened?” Crowley inquired delicately when Aziraphale had stopped crying and had detached himself from Crowley. He bought up his hands to wipe his face and the sleeve rode up, revealing the welts. 

Aziraphale realised it a moment too late and Crowley made a move to gingerly grasp his arm. He protested weakly and tried to jerk his arm away but looking at the imploring look in Crowley’s eyes, he stopped. 

Quietly the demon asked, “Talk to me, angel, please?” 

Aziraphale shook his head. “Not now” he said, quickly blinking away the tears that were forming again. He clutched his hands in his lap which were still trembling very slightly. 

Crowley interlaced his fingers with Aziraphale’s own on his lap, the other hand cupping his face and wiping away the tears with his thumb. Aziraphale leaned into the touch. 

Crowley smiled reassuringly. “Okay angel,” he kissed his forehead “Whenever you are ready.” 

Aziraphale exhaled a hitched breath and rested his forehead against Crowley’s. 

“Let me get you some tea, hmm? It’ll make you feel better.” 

Aziraphale nodded and allowed himself to be led to the bed. He half-heartedly tried to cover his self-inflicted bruises but he stopped when he realised he didn’t need to hide anything from Crowley. 

Crowley sat on the bed and he opened his arms invitingly, a small smile on his face. Aziraphale accepted and he snuggled against Crowley’s side resting his head against his torso. 

Crowley snapped his fingers and a soft blanket covered them both; another miracle and a mug of tea appeared on the bedside table. He handed it to Aziraphale. 

Aziraphale quietly mumbled a ‘thank you’ as he began sipping his tea, closing his eyes and relishing in the warm comfort of Crowley. 

Crowley reached out to grasp Aziraphale’s injured hand. “Can I?” he asked before touching the arm. 

Crowley would never do anything to hurt him so he nodded back in response. The demon ran his fingers gingerly over the bruises. 

“Whatever happened, Aziraphale, you’re going to get through this,” he declared “I’ll be right beside you”. Crowley interlaced his fingers through the angel’s. He turned his head to softly kiss Aziraphale’s hair. “It’s going to be okay” he said tenderly against him. 

A shaky breath escaped Aziraphale as he put down his empty mug and embraced his demon. Crowley hugged him back and Aziraphale allowed the small gleam of hope in him to flicker stronger at the demon’s words, even if he didn’t quite believe it himself right now. 

But Crowley had said it, and Crowley would never lie to him, so everything might become alright after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> Check out the [Behind the Screen](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23574667/chapters/56779447) where I talk about the process of writing this fic!


End file.
